my new life,being stronger girl

okey.since i wrote this blog,i've started my new life alone,far away from my family and all the people i love.and the most important thing, i can be a stronger women,unlike before.
it started, when i and ex-shit-bf decided to do the LDR.i thought,whatever it took,we were gonna be fine,keeping our love,we were gonna be a dream couple.it took about three months,till it happened.
for three months,i was soo busy with my new-independent life.i lived alone,i do everything myself,like washing my own clothes and else.i even forget to eat.and i became slimmer,i thought.and,i became like a devil.we rarely spent time together,and so far i thought he was still my "him".i always thought,he knew about my new condition,he was the one who understood everything about me.but I WAS DEFINITELY WRONG.he wasn't.He was just an ordinary man,that can't be alone.i think he felt lonely.he needed someone by him side.he told me to make this relation over.i was shocked.i never thought that this would happen.and i wondered,he didn't cry when he said it.i was a bit curious.and i asked him to not do that.i didn't care what people say about me,what my friends said about me.i just didn't want it happen.for the whole one week,i always asked him not to do that.i wanted us back.i really did that for one week!
and i was really wondering because he didn't cry.unlike usual.usually,when it happened,we both cry.
and for the whole one week,i asked him why he did that to me.there were several reasons that i could accept:
1. he wanted to focus on his final exams.
2. he wanted to be someone better,without thinking about this complicated relationship
3.he said that his parents wanted it,i loved his parents so much,i appreciated it.

because of the third reason, i couldn't do anything else.i loved his parents soo much.i wanted them to be happy.i wanted to help them.then i let it happen to me.
we promised to not make any relationship with anyone till a got back home on this december.

day by day, i felt something wrong.i always ask him about a girl that i was very curious about.he always said "no,i dont have any relationship with her"
i decided to trust him.and finally,when i got this curious higher,i lied to him.i told him that the girl had told me that they were together.firstly,he didnt want to say the truth.but finally,he did.it was a YES.i felt like i was on the top of the mountain,then i fell down.

that was the last time i talked to him.i told all my family,they were so sad.my sister and my cousin also cried,just like me.it's been 4 years,and he broke it just because a girl whom i know so much,and the girl KNOWS ME ALSO AS HIS GF!
imagine how damn she is.i think,as a girl,she should know how i feel.but she doesnt have any feelings so i dont wonder it.

i need almost 2 weeks to recovery my self.my dad,my mom,my sister,my cousin,my aunt,and everyone helped me to recovery myself.then a few days later,i called his mom just to say sorry and thank you so much FOR HIS MOM.

his mom was soo shocked about this information.she wanted me to be with her son.i had done anything i could to not let it happen.but i couldnt push him.he wanted it.his mom said that she really loves me(until now i think).we are still sending message to make sure that im okay here,and so is she.she always says she loves me so much.and of course,i love her like i love my mom.she always asks about my condition here,she prays for me always.

but now,i have to be struggle here,alone.a quote from my dad(love you dad)that really support me was : "you're lucky,you were told right nor.you know how damn he is right now,think if you both have been married and he did that to you.that would hurt your heart more."

and i wonder right now,is he really love that girl or just "pelarian" only?
who knows.people have their own opinion.only he and God know about that feelings.
and if it is,poor girl!

and now,thank you DAMN much for my ex-shit-bf, now i can be a stronger,more independent, and tougher girl.i can think for my better future,i can do better.all my focus now,my parents,how i can make them happy.

and now, i realize many things:
1.i DO never give you what you want,i DO always give you what you need,and now,i give you love and pleasure.
2.I have done anything i could to not make it happen.and it failed.and,i will never go back for my ex for the whole of my life!whatever will happen,it would never happen
3.and NOW when i wrote this blog,I ACTUALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LIFE ANYMORE!i have my own life,so do you.it's your choice.being with that girl.have fun with your new damn life!
4.He is absolutely not THE BEST for me!
5.i trust "karma",whether for the boy or the girl.May god replies it.it's not my job
6.i will always love his mom.







and now,I HAVE MY NEW LIFE HERE,and my goals are my family,and their happiness.

May Allah bless me